So, how did we find our Home Education trial?

Why not start with the Positives of our Home Ed trial?

Some of the benefits we discovered during our trial period are incredibly predictable, and others- not so much. Firmly in the win column for me- no alarm clocks. None.

I’ve always struggled with alarms, something to do with having to wake up before I’m naturally ready. (Which actually tends to happen earlier when I don’t have to get up!) But also just the expectation of having an alarm go off is enough to mess with my sleep. Like some sort of noisy sword of Damocles.

I recently did the maths and realised that due to the intervals at which my children were born I’ve actually been having this daily battle for the last THIRTY years. THIRTY. That’s ridiculous. I’m completely ready for that to be over. I don’t have an office job, I’ve been sucessfully self-employed for my entire adult life. I do NOT need to be putting myself through this. Apart from getting the kids to school.

The effect on the children has been immense. Aside from the fact that we had only planned to do a one week trial, to give the kids at least a week of a ‘real’ break; and the fact that they begged from the very beginning to do two. It has shown me not only how much more they learn and absorb by being given the time and space to do so; but also the amount that they ALREADY learn just in our daily lives. From the way and the things that we do and discuss on a daily basis; to the innate hunger for knowledge and curiosity in the children.

I am however acutely aware also that this is Spring. Not midwinter. Not the interminable grey and exhausting work season. But since I have mostly marked that for our natural downtime and the hibernation mode that we all seem to hit anyway; I have hopes that we will find a good annual rhythm. One more suitable than the modern world that we find ourselves battling against.

A completely unexpected side effect has also been my partner. Often easily over-childrened; (although don’t we all feel that one!) I’ve found him far more involved with the girls, as he can step in and out on his own terms. Instead of being constricted to only having one chance a day at 3.30pm to either start or suggest something- when often he’s either busy or finished for the day and resting.

We’ve been for several great stomps up the cliffs, last-minute jollies off to localish places usually reserved solely for holiday times or the rare weekend that we don’t have other obligations. We are both very lucky to be in a position to have very seasonal careers, so we tend to have our “holiday time” from work in the spring; as late summer and autumn are absolutely manic.

This has given us a somewhat slower pace of living, yet far more productive than trying to fit all of our needs into just 6 hours a day. With the after-school period of the day taken up with homework, dinner and bed by a deadline.

What about the kids?

The children have been so much better at self regulating themselves and managing their moods. They’re taking time alone when needed, getting their work done, and reapproaching when it’s necessary to step away for a minute. Small has always struggled with her temper. She is dairy- and soy-free, not that it gives her any obvious digestive issues……she just turns into some kind of rage-based tornado. It took us years to figure out what was wrong when she was a baby- but anyway; Small has gone from losing her cool after school every day over the slightest thing- to having a brief strop off, then coming back to whatever it was that was frustrating her in less and less time, and in a better and better mood. This is huge for her.

Big too, has really relaxed- bit by bit. She’s gone from walking a constant knife-edge to being able to clearly and reasonably articulate what she needs when she’s feeling overstimulated. My little over-achiever has gleefully had all of her lessons done before anyone else has even properly woken up; and shown a fantastic self-awareness in regulating her own needs.

Resources

It has also prompted me to take another run at sorting out all of my father’s old educational work, which I’ve always hit overwhelm with quite quickly. The added impetus that it could actually be of use to some of you out there has given me far more drive to finally get it all digitized. It’s a mess of ancient and in part obsolete program files. It’s an ongoing process; but have a look at some of the great resources I’ve rescued and listed for download so far HERE.

Negatives, what downsides did we find?

Of course, not everything went to plan. Some old resentful alarm bells went off, although I suspect this was more resonance than reality.

We had to tweak our timetable, as we found it didn’t quite line up with our lives- however; this was an unusually busy fortnight, also being the Easter Holidays. The tweaks we made were minimal, affecting only the timing of the afternoon ‘Project” sessions. I also found that the project elements I had planned were a little advanced, as I got a little carried away and forgot that Small is only just 7!

Having said that, though, the girls hit their stride and found their own projects and managed the whole thing themselves- working to their own levels. I was unbelievably impressed with the things that they almost accidentally found themselves engrossed in. I think what they naturally leaned into was exactly at the right level; and included a much wider range of education than I expected without guidance.

I’ve also realized that I need to develop a bit of willpower in making time for myself to get away. My downtime often happens while the kids are at school- having the house to myself. Knowing going in that this was likely to be a pressure point- especially as I struggle massively with even the impetus to do anything I want to do, without external input; (I know, I know- I’m getting assessed!!) I made sure that I included times that it was safe for me to step out ad-hoc in our timetable- so that I know I can get away when I feel the need and my partner can supervise the girls. What I didn’t do, is make any plans for this time… so the other thing I didn’t do? Actually do anything. Ooops!

Dunbar’s number

Socialization is always one of the first concerns that come to mind whenever Home Education is mentioned. Frankly- spending every single day surrounded by countless people you don’t get to choose sounds like the opposite of healthy socialization, but maybe that’s just me. I’ve always been very tribally minded. Which is funny coming from someone with such a distanced and convoluted family base. Did you know that they have found formulas that correlate the size of a primate species’ brain, and their natural number of associations- referred to as Dunbar’s Number.

150 on average is the number of relationships that our brains have developed to handle in our daily lives. This includes personal relationships, family, extended family, friends, colleagues, cashiers, hobbies….everyone you interact with in your daily life. Now take a second to apply that to a school situation. It’s no surprise that we have a dwindling sense of family, find it harder to find and maintain relationships, and experience such high levels of stress and anxiety in the modern world.

So what do the kids say?

Both of the girls A) Were really excited for the trial. (What can I say, they’re keen learners!) and B) Thoroughly enjoyed themselves.

Big has never been slow on the uptake- and of course although I hadn’t said it, she knew exactly what was likely to happen. On asking how she felt about the trial, she instantly pulled a very “Big” face. “I really love it, but I don’t think I’d want to leave school.” Having put it aside for a few days, she came back with a proposition that she finish the year out. Well, that seems quite reasonable. And I can see why. Sports day is apparently the main draw! She actually got quite upset at missing out on Sports Day last time as she had chicken pox. Also a trip to Southampton that she won as part of a design competition with her classmates that got deferred for about a year.

Small is more ambivalent towards school, aside from the idea of missing her friends. Even this isn’t particularly strong, and more I suspect, what she feels that she ought to say. Both girls have really struggled keeping friends at school, not making them, just maintaining those relationships and navigating the mutable nature of other girls. As far as they’re concerned- if you’re friends then you’re friends…. but as we all know well, young girls can be very tricky.

Now, I feel that these relationship struggles could be very beneficial from a developmental point of view, and that difficulty is a huge part of progress. However, as someone who really didn’t thrive in that environment myself, with no control over who you are spending the vast majority of your time around- I’m not convinced that it did me any favours. The best relationship development, I found happened in my late teenage years having eventually found a few people I could connect with. Those relationships taught me a lot, and helped to exercise and develop all of those skills needed. All I had learned up to then was a deep distaste for most people, especially my peers. Which led to a whole other swathe of age-appropriate problems.

So what happens next?

Well. For the moment my plan is to let them attempt to see the year out before pulling them. However, I am acutely aware that we might not make it if they start spiralling into anxiety and stress again. I guess we’ll see!